Comple (Updated)
Like a baby bottle without its nippl
Like Coach K without his breathing tub
Like a smile without a mout
Like Cory without her head in the toile
Like a lollipop without the saliv
Like Alexandra without grey fog in her hea
Like a mattress without its sprin
Like Quinn without a knife at her wris
Like a jack in the box without a clow
Like Donnie without duct taped shoe
Like a home without a roo
Like Patrick without his barren 24 year old wif
Like a side view mirror without glas
Like Kim without stage 3 breast cance
Like a book without pag
Like Annie without her water bottle of Grey Goos
Like a laptop without keyboar
Like Mr.J without demensi
Like a wheelchair without whee
21. Like The World Without Tears
Comple (Original)
Like a baby bottle without its nippl
Like Coach K without his breathing tub
Like a smile without a mout
Like Cory without her head in the toile
Like a lollipop without the saliv
Like Alexandra without her depressio
Like a mattress without its sprin
Like Quinn without a knife at her wris
Like a jack in the box without a clow
Like Donnie without unemploymen
Like a skateboard without its whee
Like Patrick without his barren 24 year old wif
Like a side view mirror without glas
Like Kim without stage 3 breast cance
Like a book without pag
Like Annie without her water bottle of Grey Goos
Like a laptop without keyboar
Like Mr.J without demensi
Like a wheelchair without whee
21. Like The World Without Tears
I thought that this was an interesting structure and form. Even though each line was incomplete, I was able to understand the poem. I am though confused about the final line of the poem, “21. Like The World Without Tears” What is the significance of the number and why does it seem as if this one line is completed unlike the rest? Creative!
ReplyDeleteIt is such an interesting idea to create an uncomplete poem. The sentences stopped mid-word yet I, as the reader, understood the lines completely. I don't really understand the point of the poem or the message it is giving. Is is that nothing in life is complete? Also the last line with the number 21 I don't understand. Is the last line complete to show that the world is only complete with tears?
ReplyDeleteIt is such an interesting idea to create an uncomplete poem. The sentences stopped mid-word yet I, as the reader, understood the lines completely. I don't really understand the point of the poem or the message it is giving. Is is that nothing in life is complete? Also the last line with the number 21 I don't understand. Is the last line complete to show that the world is only complete with tears?
ReplyDeleteHey Elicia!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting idea for a poem! I like how the readers were left to complete the poem as they wished, though still knowing how it were to end off. The message I got from this poem was how incomplete we are without those things that make us who we are.. Only thing I'm not sure about is if this is an excerpt from somewhere that you decided to cut out or if you wrote it all? And what is, " 21. Like The World Without Tears" telling us? Is that a song you took this from?
Very interesting overall!
Wow! This is such a cool idea for a poem. Of course, the reader knows how to finish the sentence, but I found it interesting that we automatically know what the last letter was. It was as if I was reading it with that letter still there, even though it was missing. I think the message of this poem is really strong and moving. I love this, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was done in a very creative way! I loved the idea of leaving out the last letter of the line. I understood what the rest of the word was, but this allowed me to think about it and struggle for a moment. Not sure if this was intentional but the tactic really complimented the tone of the poem which was all about struggles. The speaker cannot image the people in her life without the immense struggles they face. Although the message was powerful, I'm thinking there might be an overload on intense traumatic situations that almost dilutes their potency. Also, I like the analogy but a device without a wheel was used twice-- maybe one can be changed? Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHey lish! It's funny because during the first couple lines, I was confused. I wanted to tell you that you had made some typos. Obviously, after reading a few more, I realized that this was totally intentional. This missing letter tactic is extremely creative, and created a sense of lingering after each line, leaving the reader desiring closure. The lines create powerful images and motions as many of them depict or hint to serious topics. I wonder what the last line means though and why you chose it to end the poem. Really great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat visualization!! This is a really creative idea for incorporating the theme into the actual format of your words. That being said, I did not understand all your references, and I think you can try to make some of the sentence clearer or to make the examples more relatable/ less repetitive. For example: you repeated the idea of missing wheels with the wheelchair and skateboard examples.
ReplyDeleteLooking back at your poem, I realized that you purposely used examples of people and things switching on and off. I liked that you ended with the "world,"' as a culmination of all people.
Maybe use some alliteration to make this poem flow more smoothly: example: "Like trees without leaves."
"Like flowers without petals."
or some more interesting examples:
"Like rain without clouds"
"Like a home without a house"
"Like a language without words."
etc.
Good luck, and I know this poem has a lot of potential!
*just correct the skateboard line. You missed the word "out."
** add "a" to the line about the computer missing its keyboard.
Great visualization!! This is a really creative idea for incorporating the theme into the actual format of your words. That being said, I did not understand all your references, and I think you can try to make some of the sentence clearer or to make the examples more relatable/ less repetitive. For example: you repeated the idea of missing wheels with the wheelchair and skateboard examples.
ReplyDeleteLooking back at your poem, I realized that you purposely used examples of people and things switching on and off. I liked that you ended with the "world,"' as a culmination of all people.
Maybe use some alliteration to make this poem flow more smoothly: example: "Like trees without leaves."
"Like flowers without petals."
or some more interesting examples:
"Like rain without clouds"
"Like a home without a house"
"Like a language without words."
etc.
Good luck, and I know this poem has a lot of potential!
*just correct the skateboard line. You missed the word "out."
** add "a" to the line about the computer missing its keyboard.
This poem actually holds a lot of power. Because there were positive lines and negative lines together, it gave it some power. My mind kept on wanting the sentences to be finished but it was a special and new idea that I liked. I liked feeling the incompleteness. It gives the reader the ability to interpret why the phrases are incomplete on their own. For me, it meant that being incomplete is not always a bad thing, in terms of the tragedies of life. It shows that life is only complete with both the good and the bad parts of it. Because life isn't always sunshine and happiness and that's what this poem was meant to show, in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite a thought provoking poem. It gives you an appreiciation for completeness and for the little things in life and it makes you step back and think "what if things weren't the way I'm used to"? I like the flow of this poem, even though the words at the end of each line are chopped, theres still a nice transition from line to line. The only i would change are some of the references-because of whats taking place overall in the poem i get what you're intending but it i feel like you could convey it with references that are totally universal-you've have some in there but i'd maybe like to see the whole poem have those kinds of references that everyone can understand. Great job!
ReplyDelete